I want to keep blogging but I find myself getting mired in the weeds of my life. Instead of writing about the amazing existential experiences I’m having, what comes out are a lot of mundane details about moving and getting settled in a new town. Instead of sounding like an synthesis, it sounds like a journal. Not that there’s anything wrong with a journal, but it isn’t the voice I’m trying to express.
Instead of trying to craft the perfect piece, I'm going to just put a few tidbits here tonight. Every time I can, I'll put a few more. It will be more like a mosaic than a landscape but eventually the bigger picture will become clear.
This morning I was talking to one of my preceptors about how things have been going and in addition to saying that I was having SO much fun, I acknowledged the constant slog that the pace of residency brings to one's life. I said it was sort of like a hamster wheel but sensing that was not quite what I meant she quipped, "It's like Groundhog Day, except everyone else is on repeat too." That was a great comparison.
At some point during the last few weeks it occurred to me, “You will learn as much between now and the end of your residency as you learned between your first and last days of medical school.” Considering how much I’ve already learned, that is a pretty shocking statement about how much more there is to know when settling into a specialty.
Some of my favorite truisms involve allowing for imperfection. Probably because I need to be reminded that human-ness is allowed. One that I have been latched onto recently came from my residency orientation about wellness - Something is better than nothing.
So in the spirit of giving myself something, I have found a new name for this blog. I don’t know if I will officially change it or start over with a new blog or just use it as a subtitle. Now that I’ve gotten the MD, I find this journey is about getting to ME. So welcome to the new blog - it’s going to be messy, sporadic, evolving, unpredictable and imperfect. I’m going to love it!
This is exactly how I felt in school, and as a new grad too. The quick lines come easy: "I love my new job! I'm learning so much! My preceptors are so wonderful and supportive!" But to try to and really articulate the ins and outs and ups and downs of clinical life are so challenging, not just for HIPAA compliance reasons.
ReplyDeleteIt IS exhausting, and it's hard to convey the speed and depth of learning and growth that happens. It also requires an incredible amount of vulnerability and openness...something I'm still coming to terms with on my own blog as a new midwife.
There have been so many times I've wanted to write a blog post about a birth or clinical experience but then felt overwhelmed with where to start...
I guess what I'm trying to say is just "YES." Also, I totally get it, and love hearing the little tidbits when they come...and it inspires me to do the same. This is a long and arduous journey we're on and the community we build is so important!